My blog is a lil over 6 years old and granted i never wrote much to begin with on here but i must say there is a calming feeling when reading my old post and thoughts. I was just graduated at the time when i wrote those and it is nice to see what i was thinking of back then. I know no one sees this old thing but i can see this blog. And i can go back and see what it was i decided to share with the world even if the world didnt want to read it.
But thats fine really i am not a bitter old woman. Well i mean i not old at all but i do turn 25 this year and its crazy thinking of that. IDK what im even getting at but maybe ill write more. Idk time will tell.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Friday, December 24, 2010
The distraction.
Its been months since i have even looked at my blog. :/ fail.
But here i am now. Its 3:14 and I cannot sleep. I blame part for the fact that my stomach hurts. Then theres the fact that my mind is totally and completely distracted. Im ok with distractions but not when there were totally unexpected. I have so many things going on in my mind right now I dont know where to begin or if i should begin at all.. Its hard to talk of those things since I never talk about them to anyone. I usually just write a song, but Im trying not to write songs right now. Im just trying to expand my mind.
So....The distraction. Its annoying. Its frustrating. And I have to remind myself at every point of the day to stop worrying. I just need to focus.. I need to get all the negative out of my mind. But its hard, but its not an excuse for me. I have to get through there is no way to do otherwise and I do what i need to do. And get on with it, of course its only because i have to. And its what makes most sense. But some close friends of mine are breaking through my exterior and are getting me to see on a much bigger scale. I hope but only a little. I expect the worst, but only a little, Then i just let whatever happens happens. WHich does work but idk. maybe sometimes u need to remind yourself of the worst more, or the hope completely. I really need to stop doubting myself. I guess. But then im not sure.
And i dont feel like i should be feeling like this. But what am i supposed to do. i kind of like it too. it makes me know that im not cold inside anymore. its warmth i thought left a few months ago. but ya. I guess im just hoping. I will continue to hope but im not being blind...im not going to get myself hurt by being an idiot..atleast i hope.
But here i am now. Its 3:14 and I cannot sleep. I blame part for the fact that my stomach hurts. Then theres the fact that my mind is totally and completely distracted. Im ok with distractions but not when there were totally unexpected. I have so many things going on in my mind right now I dont know where to begin or if i should begin at all.. Its hard to talk of those things since I never talk about them to anyone. I usually just write a song, but Im trying not to write songs right now. Im just trying to expand my mind.
So....The distraction. Its annoying. Its frustrating. And I have to remind myself at every point of the day to stop worrying. I just need to focus.. I need to get all the negative out of my mind. But its hard, but its not an excuse for me. I have to get through there is no way to do otherwise and I do what i need to do. And get on with it, of course its only because i have to. And its what makes most sense. But some close friends of mine are breaking through my exterior and are getting me to see on a much bigger scale. I hope but only a little. I expect the worst, but only a little, Then i just let whatever happens happens. WHich does work but idk. maybe sometimes u need to remind yourself of the worst more, or the hope completely. I really need to stop doubting myself. I guess. But then im not sure.
And i dont feel like i should be feeling like this. But what am i supposed to do. i kind of like it too. it makes me know that im not cold inside anymore. its warmth i thought left a few months ago. but ya. I guess im just hoping. I will continue to hope but im not being blind...im not going to get myself hurt by being an idiot..atleast i hope.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Oh the feeling (by tati)
i do not have a twitter so i used my sisters..lol I have to say that just hearing your name takes me back to 96 when i first fell in love with the backstreet boys at 11 yrs old. The feeling i get is so juvenile but comforting. I was convinced that i would meet you and we would fall in love and live hapily ever after... but i guess so did millions of other girls in the world right!! lol ... i still thought that it would be different with me ;)... I havent even gotten rid of any of my BSB memorabilia all these yrs and i still have it... its a lot... i feel like if i get rid of it i would forget about that entire time of my life where i lived for BSB!thinking about it now is just so funny.. how silly we can be when were young.... i feel some releif writting this even knowing the chances of you reading this are slim to none considering how many others prob try to write you or mention i guess is what they call in on twtr...how weird little things that can bring such feelings. I hope i will be seeing BSB at the miami concert on the 29th... i cant wait... well if you are reading this then let me not tale time away from reading someone elses post. i ofcourse wish you all the best!!! and i love you ... always... ;)
Monday, February 8, 2010
Lonely
I havent had much to write about lately. Ive just been wandering about, working and writing. I finished reading the first 3 books to this series called Sweep by Cate Tiernan. It was super awesome, I have to buy the next 12 now. :/
Reading those fantasy books always gets my juices flowing and thoughts turning. I start feeling this tingle and this urge to know more. I wonder what else there is in the world that we do not know of. Im sure there are many things that goes on that we do not know about. The 4th Kind was a super freaky movie. Is there truth behind that and everything else we dont understand?
Reading those fantasy books always gets my juices flowing and thoughts turning. I start feeling this tingle and this urge to know more. I wonder what else there is in the world that we do not know of. Im sure there are many things that goes on that we do not know about. The 4th Kind was a super freaky movie. Is there truth behind that and everything else we dont understand?
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Update
So I am almost done fillinf out my Financial Aid form thing, and MDC application. All I need to get is my transcripts. My days have not changed nor have I had any inspiration to write on my blog.
I know how lame!
Anywho, Ive been painting and honestly the one I just finished last night is my favorite! I loved how it came out. I need to buy another canvas and soon! But Im broke at the moment. I havent gotten paid yet. :( But ya Im excited for my paintings, not for school and I hope that someone loves my paintings, I become rich and never have to go to school. I know big stretch but never hurts to hope :)
I know how lame!
Anywho, Ive been painting and honestly the one I just finished last night is my favorite! I loved how it came out. I need to buy another canvas and soon! But Im broke at the moment. I havent gotten paid yet. :( But ya Im excited for my paintings, not for school and I hope that someone loves my paintings, I become rich and never have to go to school. I know big stretch but never hurts to hope :)
Monday, January 25, 2010
Another Rainy Day
So today was just a chill kind of day.
Im super happy in a way cause Twilight is now being played on TV. Im excited over it. :)
I got a new video camera and want to do projects with it but have no idea where to start???!!!:/:/:/
Really nothing new though:///
Im super happy in a way cause Twilight is now being played on TV. Im excited over it. :)
I got a new video camera and want to do projects with it but have no idea where to start???!!!:/:/:/
Really nothing new though:///
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The Pregnancy Pact
I just finished watching Lifetime's "The Pregnancy Pact" and all it did was remind me of my friends that are pregnant or have children. Those few all had them before 20.
It's a beautiful gift don't get me wrong. But what I don't understand is why they would want to get pregnant?
I mean life right now is hard as it is. You need to have a good education to land yourself a good job. And an education now and days isn't even guaranteeing a job. You have to fight for it. So there best bet is Publix, McDonald's or Olive Garden.
Yes there's Welfare and Wic, but I don't think those services should be given out to those who aren't even trying to make it on their own. My sister used Wic, but that's because she had to pay for her own place, car, food and needed a little extra help. She makes a good amount but sometimes its just not enough, especially when your buying 16 to 25 dollars a can of formula for a hungry baby boy.
Truth is, these girls aren't ready. Atleast not every one of them.
Whether they have money or not, that's just a little problem. What about those who just cant take parenthood?
Some girls have gone to some extreme measure's to "handle" their babies. There have been cases where girls leave them anywhere, put them in trash can's, drown, etc. The list goes on.
What I don't get is, just wear protection. Use birth control. Like seriously is it really that hard. I mean yea I know that sometimes shit happens and you will still get pregnant. But trying to prevent it is something better than nothing. Because you might have never gotten pregnant.
Teens make using protection such a challenge. I say girls carry some with you if your the promiscuous type and men should as well. That way if something happens you don't have to worry about "taking it out before". Schools; well not all, tend to have so stock up from there. That way your parents don't know (if they will kill you kind of parents) and your still pregnant.
Parents, adults in general do not understand that teens will have sex. They will and there is no way of preventing them from having sex but at least acknowledging it will make it better. They need to know what their kids are doing, that way not only can they check if they are pregnant or not but STI's as well.
If your in a serious relationship with a person. But I'm talking like a year or more together than maybe birth control is for you.
There also is adoption and abortions.
Ahh. Abortions the reason for so many debates and rally's and doctors being killed by psycho's who judge them and the women giving/getting them about how "your not god, you cant kill a baby" who act god themselves and kill them. Ironic? No Idiotic.
If you believe in abortions we understand; even if not everyone can agree, it's your body. If you do not agree, we understand, accept and that's great, but you CANT push your ideas on someone else. They are your opinion's. Nothing more, nothing less.
Anyway.
Abortions.
THEY ARE NOT A BIRTH CONTROL!
Meaning: If a woman and her boyfriend do not use any protection and she gets pregnant and you have an abortion and it happens again, no offense but it is wrong.
If you use condoms, are on birth control or whatever it is you use and you become that 1% chance of becoming pregnant and you have an abortion, its not right, but it's understandable. They tried their hardest not to become pregnant. And did, so they had it.
The ones who did not use anything are using it as a contraception. That's not right. You should try avoiding getting pregnant at all if they are not ready.
So teen pregnancy, we are not in the year 1902 or in the 1800's where people didn't live as long, and you didn't need 2 incomes to hold down the fort. Things are harder now; work, school, money, so having a child is not stupid but frowned upon when you could have just used protection. That's all. You do not have to wait.
Shit I'm sure no one will anyway; or at least a smaller percentage. And that's fine. Because whether I, parents, or older siblings say "you shouldn't have sex, wait till your older or married". That's not whats going to happen to a lot of teens. So really parents, talk to your kids, if they are sexually active get them condoms. You may not be supporting them having sex, but whether you want to be ignorant or not, they may or may not be. Better to know than to be expecting grand children 9 months from now.
And teens. If you can talk to your parents, tell them you are having sex. They can help you get condoms if financially you cant and what not. If you have those kinds of parents who will not listen to you or refuse to help, talk to your school nurse. See if they carry some. They can not tell your parents, you could also check out some clinics. Usually there is one that helps with teen pregnancy and what not, they may be able to give you some as well. Again they will not contact your parents. Even asking a friend to buy them for you is better than nothing.
The movie was good and really does send out a message. So use protection. The world is a bit over populated. :) and it doesn't hurt to use one. You want to be able to enjoy your youth.
Also there are a lot of teens who make it work out and still do great thing's. I respect them very much. They didn't let anything get in the way, and gave their child the best.
It's a beautiful gift don't get me wrong. But what I don't understand is why they would want to get pregnant?
I mean life right now is hard as it is. You need to have a good education to land yourself a good job. And an education now and days isn't even guaranteeing a job. You have to fight for it. So there best bet is Publix, McDonald's or Olive Garden.
Yes there's Welfare and Wic, but I don't think those services should be given out to those who aren't even trying to make it on their own. My sister used Wic, but that's because she had to pay for her own place, car, food and needed a little extra help. She makes a good amount but sometimes its just not enough, especially when your buying 16 to 25 dollars a can of formula for a hungry baby boy.
Truth is, these girls aren't ready. Atleast not every one of them.
Whether they have money or not, that's just a little problem. What about those who just cant take parenthood?
Some girls have gone to some extreme measure's to "handle" their babies. There have been cases where girls leave them anywhere, put them in trash can's, drown, etc. The list goes on.
What I don't get is, just wear protection. Use birth control. Like seriously is it really that hard. I mean yea I know that sometimes shit happens and you will still get pregnant. But trying to prevent it is something better than nothing. Because you might have never gotten pregnant.
Teens make using protection such a challenge. I say girls carry some with you if your the promiscuous type and men should as well. That way if something happens you don't have to worry about "taking it out before". Schools; well not all, tend to have so stock up from there. That way your parents don't know (if they will kill you kind of parents) and your still pregnant.
Parents, adults in general do not understand that teens will have sex. They will and there is no way of preventing them from having sex but at least acknowledging it will make it better. They need to know what their kids are doing, that way not only can they check if they are pregnant or not but STI's as well.
If your in a serious relationship with a person. But I'm talking like a year or more together than maybe birth control is for you.
There also is adoption and abortions.
Ahh. Abortions the reason for so many debates and rally's and doctors being killed by psycho's who judge them and the women giving/getting them about how "your not god, you cant kill a baby" who act god themselves and kill them. Ironic? No Idiotic.
If you believe in abortions we understand; even if not everyone can agree, it's your body. If you do not agree, we understand, accept and that's great, but you CANT push your ideas on someone else. They are your opinion's. Nothing more, nothing less.
Anyway.
Abortions.
THEY ARE NOT A BIRTH CONTROL!
Meaning: If a woman and her boyfriend do not use any protection and she gets pregnant and you have an abortion and it happens again, no offense but it is wrong.
If you use condoms, are on birth control or whatever it is you use and you become that 1% chance of becoming pregnant and you have an abortion, its not right, but it's understandable. They tried their hardest not to become pregnant. And did, so they had it.
The ones who did not use anything are using it as a contraception. That's not right. You should try avoiding getting pregnant at all if they are not ready.
So teen pregnancy, we are not in the year 1902 or in the 1800's where people didn't live as long, and you didn't need 2 incomes to hold down the fort. Things are harder now; work, school, money, so having a child is not stupid but frowned upon when you could have just used protection. That's all. You do not have to wait.
Shit I'm sure no one will anyway; or at least a smaller percentage. And that's fine. Because whether I, parents, or older siblings say "you shouldn't have sex, wait till your older or married". That's not whats going to happen to a lot of teens. So really parents, talk to your kids, if they are sexually active get them condoms. You may not be supporting them having sex, but whether you want to be ignorant or not, they may or may not be. Better to know than to be expecting grand children 9 months from now.
And teens. If you can talk to your parents, tell them you are having sex. They can help you get condoms if financially you cant and what not. If you have those kinds of parents who will not listen to you or refuse to help, talk to your school nurse. See if they carry some. They can not tell your parents, you could also check out some clinics. Usually there is one that helps with teen pregnancy and what not, they may be able to give you some as well. Again they will not contact your parents. Even asking a friend to buy them for you is better than nothing.
The movie was good and really does send out a message. So use protection. The world is a bit over populated. :) and it doesn't hurt to use one. You want to be able to enjoy your youth.
Also there are a lot of teens who make it work out and still do great thing's. I respect them very much. They didn't let anything get in the way, and gave their child the best.
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