I want to take my whole room with me to Guatemala. Or at least the thing's I use most and feel comfort in having. Leaving me really just the option of my closet. But can you just take anything?
NO!
I'm going crazy. I hate not being able to take everything with me. My clothes are like my safety blanket. I like knowing that if I don't like my first outfit I have a million options inside my closet. I hope I'm taking enough.
Oh! and trying to get everything in my luggage was a mission. I swear I deserve a medal for being able to fit 5 pajama shirts, 3 pajama pants, 3 pants, 2 tights, 2 pairs of shoes, 12 shirts, and the necessary under garments in my carry on. Now all I'm hoping is that it doesn't weigh over what it should. I should yahoo the weight limit for carry on's.
I'm tired. My nephew is taking his nap, and all I'm thinking of repeatedly is the list inside my head of what I should be taking and making sure I am not forgetting anything.
I think every luggage set should come with an Automatic Luggage Packer. A robot of some sort, that goes into your closet picks out what you will need to wear, goes through your dresser and shoes, and makeup if needed, and well everything.
Because I packed my luggage last week, and from last week Tuesday 12/22/09 till now 12/31/09 I'm sure Ive packed and unpacked and packed again at least 20 times. No joke. Today alone I packed and unpacked 5 times. And I'm still kind of scared of it not fitting and feel I should go through it again.
Its my nerves though. I'm going crazy. This is my first time leaving the country (don't worry I already put my passport away in my bag) and all I want to do is pack. I think I should be taking more but I'm taking enough, but then I start going crazy cause its not enough. I make no sense even to myself, but in a way that does make sense.
UGH!
Packing....its hell. Really it is the worst thing ever, and not because its a physically demanding task, or one to make you tired. Its just frustrating. Hopefully I travel more in the years to come and then soon it will be great. But Ive never been a good packer even when I was a git. Oh well
So this is most likely going to be my last blog for the next 12 days. Until then A-di-os Amigos'.
I just noticed I use I and I'm a lot. ha go figure.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thoughts of a New Year.
With the hours counting down to the New Year 2010. I'm enveloped with thousands of questions as to how it will be? Even more questions of how my trip to Guatemala is going to turn out. I never gave a new year much thought, because well really all it is, is another day with a different date. But the days are all the same, starts with a sunrise, and ends with a sunset.
What is there really to a new year? What makes it so fascinating? We are not guaranteed new technology just because its the new year, we get that whenever it comes along. The grass could be greener but not because its a new year, only because you actually kept up with watering your grass. I see the new year like a new day.
Nothing more nothing less. I see no point in expecting absolute greatness in the new year, because I already hope for something great to happen everyday. So, the new year.
Is it a day like any other with only a different date? Or is it more than that? Is it what people use for starting over in their lives? Is your reason for becoming a better person, or worse? For getting another job?
I wonder if there are people who; lets say, their first months of 2009 went horrible. No cards in their hand that went for the better. SO they give up, and say to themselves "Next year it'll be better. Ill start over next year." And inside their thinking what is the point of trying to make this year better its already gone to shit.
So they waste a half year or however long, because it started out bad and didnt care to try to make the rest of it work.
It makes no sense! Thats absolutely the most ridiculous thing anyone could ever think of. So you have a bad streak, that doesnt mean you just give up, cause those are days you arent getting back.
Oh and dont forget New Year resolutions. Its the same thing I just finished explaining but even broader. Like, come on, why must you wait for the new year to loose weight, get a new job, change yourself in whatever way your thinking of changing yourselves. How about this, you do what you want when you want if your not ready and if you are ready why not the next day. Once a person decides to make a change, that person must act. You only feel so good about life decisions for so long.
The only thing that comes to mind about a new year is my birthday. Becoming a year older. Their's another grade level, anniversarie's, you know things that require a year's waiting.
Now about my trip. Im excited. Im nervous. Im relieved. Ahh 12 days out of Florida. How effin exciting, like there are no words that I can think of to describe how Im feeling. Cause Im just feeling. I dont know what else to say. Oh and you better believe that I am so taking a million photos or around there and putting some up. Since I have yet to put any photos on here. Not that anyone will read this.
Haha
Monday, December 28, 2009
The importance of Pen and Paper
Ever since I was young, I had an addiction.
It started off as an innocent obsession with school supplies. Every kind. It could have been a Lisa Frank eraser, a crayon box, notebooks, and pens especially. So I obsessed. And as time went on I became addicted. I fed my addiction, and by 4th grade it narrowed down to pens and paper. Especially the notebooks with three sections made by FiveStar. I was more excited for school supplies shopping than Christmas or my birthday. No Joke.
I mean come on. You can get so many pencils and eraser's for like 5 dollars. Notebooks are a little more bang in the bucks but you cant just get any notebook, it has to be the One notebook that will comfortably let you write all thoughts in mind.
So I went crazy over pens, notebooks, diaries, pencils and even drawing notebooks. With the diaries is where I found my love; writing. My fourth grade year is when I felt I had things to write about. When 5th grade came along and I was presented with a poem I found a way to write about myself and others. Then the writing became more of a necessity. I would feel literal pain within my heart if I hadn't written in a few days or weeks (depending on the situation) And it never mattered what it was I wrote about, it had to be said. The dumbest mundane thoughts that crossed my mind were written. Even if I didn't even know what to think about a subject, or I was just skipping thoughts for my more obvious ADD moments, I wrote. Sometimes in the end having no purpose, other than too ease my body, loosen and free my mind, work off some steam.
So I'm not the greatest writer, nor am I really that good. I'm just lucky. My hands do the speaking for me drawing out words.
Writers are artist too. They speak with their hands, and their words are masterpieces. An excellent speech to be said a front the most Eloquent persons to having ever walked the earth. They are one meaning and one meaning only. Nevermind the many thoughts or ideas of what others think it means. It was written for one's thought, and when dug in and torn apart, dissected, it still only meant that one thought. Not much room for any more imagination others thought necessary to include.
Again I'm an addict of writing.
I Stephanie Hernandez am a Writaholic. Ive failed being "sober". Since I'm writing this blog. Im proud. Gosh-Darn-it.
It started off as an innocent obsession with school supplies. Every kind. It could have been a Lisa Frank eraser, a crayon box, notebooks, and pens especially. So I obsessed. And as time went on I became addicted. I fed my addiction, and by 4th grade it narrowed down to pens and paper. Especially the notebooks with three sections made by FiveStar. I was more excited for school supplies shopping than Christmas or my birthday. No Joke.
I mean come on. You can get so many pencils and eraser's for like 5 dollars. Notebooks are a little more bang in the bucks but you cant just get any notebook, it has to be the One notebook that will comfortably let you write all thoughts in mind.
So I went crazy over pens, notebooks, diaries, pencils and even drawing notebooks. With the diaries is where I found my love; writing. My fourth grade year is when I felt I had things to write about. When 5th grade came along and I was presented with a poem I found a way to write about myself and others. Then the writing became more of a necessity. I would feel literal pain within my heart if I hadn't written in a few days or weeks (depending on the situation) And it never mattered what it was I wrote about, it had to be said. The dumbest mundane thoughts that crossed my mind were written. Even if I didn't even know what to think about a subject, or I was just skipping thoughts for my more obvious ADD moments, I wrote. Sometimes in the end having no purpose, other than too ease my body, loosen and free my mind, work off some steam.
So I'm not the greatest writer, nor am I really that good. I'm just lucky. My hands do the speaking for me drawing out words.
Writers are artist too. They speak with their hands, and their words are masterpieces. An excellent speech to be said a front the most Eloquent persons to having ever walked the earth. They are one meaning and one meaning only. Nevermind the many thoughts or ideas of what others think it means. It was written for one's thought, and when dug in and torn apart, dissected, it still only meant that one thought. Not much room for any more imagination others thought necessary to include.
Again I'm an addict of writing.
I Stephanie Hernandez am a Writaholic. Ive failed being "sober". Since I'm writing this blog. Im proud. Gosh-Darn-it.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Florida is Bipolar
Florida, has the most horrible weather. Well not really, but it does in a way.
It was cold this past weekend and then when Christmas is to be here, it gets hot, and rains. Why? Im not asking for snow, but just a nice fresh breeze through out winter would be nice to have.
And guess what it's going to get cold within the next few days. But no, it couldn't for Christmas. UGH!!!!
It was cold this past weekend and then when Christmas is to be here, it gets hot, and rains. Why? Im not asking for snow, but just a nice fresh breeze through out winter would be nice to have.
And guess what it's going to get cold within the next few days. But no, it couldn't for Christmas. UGH!!!!
Are we all done believing?
Are we finished or too grown, or far along with technology to believe in fairy tales? Of happy endings that could very well be our own? Are we better than that? Have we lost all faith in man kind or childish dreams that once used to fill our heart with hope?
I never think that any of it is an option.
We have faith, we have it buried deep inside us and all we have to do is discover it. Make it known. We are a wonderful creation, and so is everything around us we take for granted. The wasting of cell phones, cars, air, trees, light, food, animals, life. Everything in our grasp is not cherished yet destined to be demolished once in contact.
When were young, is that the only time we have for fantasy? Is that the only thing that we don't take with us that was a part of us when passing into adult hood?
I wish and dream and hope for something I know that has and must be real to come forward. Not to prove its being but to show that yes when you were young, and your parents said to grow up; That they were the ones who needed to see what it was we see. What they used too. A world full of possibilities, princes, evil, good, and above all, more. More than what it is the ones before them managed to destroy.
That even though the times have changed and we are forced to be taught in a world where they only destroy hope for others, we still know deep inside there is.
There is us for a start, there's animals, and their development through out the time that has passed. Is that not proof enough? There is more than meets the eyes of the beholder, more that we cannot see but feel. We cannot touch or taste but hear and love. We are not to prove, or disprove but to acknowledge and consider its very being. We are to hope. Secretly to ourselves for the better of others ignorance and the thoughts of those who only mean to destroy. That someday they will come to an understanding and perhaps learn to believe in hope as well.
I never think that any of it is an option.
We have faith, we have it buried deep inside us and all we have to do is discover it. Make it known. We are a wonderful creation, and so is everything around us we take for granted. The wasting of cell phones, cars, air, trees, light, food, animals, life. Everything in our grasp is not cherished yet destined to be demolished once in contact.
When were young, is that the only time we have for fantasy? Is that the only thing that we don't take with us that was a part of us when passing into adult hood?
I wish and dream and hope for something I know that has and must be real to come forward. Not to prove its being but to show that yes when you were young, and your parents said to grow up; That they were the ones who needed to see what it was we see. What they used too. A world full of possibilities, princes, evil, good, and above all, more. More than what it is the ones before them managed to destroy.
That even though the times have changed and we are forced to be taught in a world where they only destroy hope for others, we still know deep inside there is.
There is us for a start, there's animals, and their development through out the time that has passed. Is that not proof enough? There is more than meets the eyes of the beholder, more that we cannot see but feel. We cannot touch or taste but hear and love. We are not to prove, or disprove but to acknowledge and consider its very being. We are to hope. Secretly to ourselves for the better of others ignorance and the thoughts of those who only mean to destroy. That someday they will come to an understanding and perhaps learn to believe in hope as well.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Its Almost the End of the Year....
So of course we all know that the end of the year is very, very near. Like A week away till the 1st of January. OMG!!!
Can you believe it. Its going to be the year 2010. I turn 20 this coming year. Im getting old. Okay not really but older than how I truly feel. I cant believe that Christmas came and went so quickly. That time as we know does not go by slow or even at a moderate rate. But instead prefers to fly past at such high speeds we only see a glimpse of it as it passes on.
Something else about the new year is a new year resolution. And Im just wondering what it is I want mine to be. I come up a blank. I have a feeling it should be to not have one. To not have a plan for a certain something or a specific goal but create them as the opportunity later in the year arises. When I am faced with a challenge handle it then and there, do what I love. Seems hard to understand as Im typing it all out. But I understand what I mean, when the thought is in my head.
Great thing about the New YEAR....is that I am going out of the country. YES! I am going to Guatemala. I see this as a new adventure, and something else to think about. I need to be out of my comfort zone. I really want to explore life and the world and everyone in it. To experience them all as one. So January 1st im leaving for 12 days. Im going to see the ruins, and the city.
Im so excited. My heart feels as though it is going to jump right out of my chest and run away. Thankfully it cant actually do it. But man, does it feel like it should. HAHA
I wonder how many people skim through my blog. Or ignore it and move on to the next one. I wonder if any one reads my blogs. Not that its of any importance because I will continue to write. But I still wonder.
Can you believe it. Its going to be the year 2010. I turn 20 this coming year. Im getting old. Okay not really but older than how I truly feel. I cant believe that Christmas came and went so quickly. That time as we know does not go by slow or even at a moderate rate. But instead prefers to fly past at such high speeds we only see a glimpse of it as it passes on.
Something else about the new year is a new year resolution. And Im just wondering what it is I want mine to be. I come up a blank. I have a feeling it should be to not have one. To not have a plan for a certain something or a specific goal but create them as the opportunity later in the year arises. When I am faced with a challenge handle it then and there, do what I love. Seems hard to understand as Im typing it all out. But I understand what I mean, when the thought is in my head.
Great thing about the New YEAR....is that I am going out of the country. YES! I am going to Guatemala. I see this as a new adventure, and something else to think about. I need to be out of my comfort zone. I really want to explore life and the world and everyone in it. To experience them all as one. So January 1st im leaving for 12 days. Im going to see the ruins, and the city.
Im so excited. My heart feels as though it is going to jump right out of my chest and run away. Thankfully it cant actually do it. But man, does it feel like it should. HAHA
I wonder how many people skim through my blog. Or ignore it and move on to the next one. I wonder if any one reads my blogs. Not that its of any importance because I will continue to write. But I still wonder.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Life IS short.
So this kind of goes with the last blog I just posted a few minutes ago.
LIFE...
Yup were aging, getting older, and better yet dont know what to do.
Im a thoughtful person with a mind full of thoughts racing. Imagine adding up all your thoughts at the end of the day...hmm I wonder what number I'd get. Im a try it. Well thats not the point. Point is, we age. No matter what time is a Bitch and keeps going. So why do we all waste our time. I mean if you like what your doing with your time, in your short life, then go away. But what if you dont like your days, your routine. Do you even like routines. Waking up the same time everyday, then leaving for work or school, then what? I dont know what you do with your day.
But we cant control everyone elses routine and sometimes we collide. Literally. Ive always felt like I wont live to an old age. That maybe my forties and im gone. And I have a very I dont care attitude. But not about everything. Im more into going for what I want, NOW, as opposed to going to school wasting my time, and then doing what I want. I dont need a degree to be what I want. I only need me to believe and to strive.
I view everyone else around me and their excitement over the petty. Things they dont even need, but FEEL they need it. To feel productive with their lives. I dont laugh, I just view. And then I think. Im actually really happy not knowing what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. It makes everything a little more adventurous. I guess you can say. But I just feel like, when I do pass on eventually, I will have been so pleased. Even more pleased and excited if I did what I loved and made it known. BUt all its takes is effort. Dont get me wrong this is only from a view of someone whose dream needs no schooling but imagination, and of course natural gift. Love for that gift and if needed, some side classes to get you going.
Well anyways. Point is. DO what you love. And really think about. Do you need school to do it?
Do you need money to do it? Do you need to take a chance and love whatever it is your doing? Whatever is it you decide to do with your life, just love it.
LIFE...
Yup were aging, getting older, and better yet dont know what to do.
Im a thoughtful person with a mind full of thoughts racing. Imagine adding up all your thoughts at the end of the day...hmm I wonder what number I'd get. Im a try it. Well thats not the point. Point is, we age. No matter what time is a Bitch and keeps going. So why do we all waste our time. I mean if you like what your doing with your time, in your short life, then go away. But what if you dont like your days, your routine. Do you even like routines. Waking up the same time everyday, then leaving for work or school, then what? I dont know what you do with your day.
But we cant control everyone elses routine and sometimes we collide. Literally. Ive always felt like I wont live to an old age. That maybe my forties and im gone. And I have a very I dont care attitude. But not about everything. Im more into going for what I want, NOW, as opposed to going to school wasting my time, and then doing what I want. I dont need a degree to be what I want. I only need me to believe and to strive.
I view everyone else around me and their excitement over the petty. Things they dont even need, but FEEL they need it. To feel productive with their lives. I dont laugh, I just view. And then I think. Im actually really happy not knowing what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. It makes everything a little more adventurous. I guess you can say. But I just feel like, when I do pass on eventually, I will have been so pleased. Even more pleased and excited if I did what I loved and made it known. BUt all its takes is effort. Dont get me wrong this is only from a view of someone whose dream needs no schooling but imagination, and of course natural gift. Love for that gift and if needed, some side classes to get you going.
Well anyways. Point is. DO what you love. And really think about. Do you need school to do it?
Do you need money to do it? Do you need to take a chance and love whatever it is your doing? Whatever is it you decide to do with your life, just love it.
...i just dont know
We go through our lives. Living each day as it comes and thinking for the ones yet to reach. We do things we love, thing we hate. People we love, people we hate. We go to school, we graduate, and re-enter. And what is it all for? What is it were looking for? A career, to better ourselves, to learn the masses, and then what?
It is said that we all have to go through hard challenges, ones that we don't like at times, to reach to that pot of gold at the end of our rainbows we create. A diploma cannot measure an education, but yet what a person shows you in their tongue. Words tell you everything, the truth, a lie, a fake, jealousy. Some can read and some cant. But why?
Why do we go to school to learn? What is it that we are suppose to learn? About our surroundings or the many lies that are told from the moment you start reading a text book. Ive seen those graduate from high school, from college, and they learned nothing yet how to cheat to themselves.
This is not being written as an excuse for my absence in college at this moment, or from furthering it. Yet a little idea of how I feel of it. Things will never change, and if changed, not soon. Nor is it easy to explain. Because their will always be someone bringing down my idea as opposed shutting their mouths and if not agreeing atleast listening.
It is complicated. How can you succeed, if not with an education? And it is only that way because they dont look for the flaws in the system, and refuse to admit their mistakes. We all live in America for the freedom, the free will and the life that we all love. We were born with that much being here. But sometimes we need an extra push. I was born with a blank mind. No preferences, no likes, dislikes or loves. I still do not know who I am. But I do know that I am discovering a layer of myself as time moves on. And of everyone else.
Theirs a system because their needs to be, but that doesnt mean you can question it and think of something better.
It is said that we all have to go through hard challenges, ones that we don't like at times, to reach to that pot of gold at the end of our rainbows we create. A diploma cannot measure an education, but yet what a person shows you in their tongue. Words tell you everything, the truth, a lie, a fake, jealousy. Some can read and some cant. But why?
Why do we go to school to learn? What is it that we are suppose to learn? About our surroundings or the many lies that are told from the moment you start reading a text book. Ive seen those graduate from high school, from college, and they learned nothing yet how to cheat to themselves.
This is not being written as an excuse for my absence in college at this moment, or from furthering it. Yet a little idea of how I feel of it. Things will never change, and if changed, not soon. Nor is it easy to explain. Because their will always be someone bringing down my idea as opposed shutting their mouths and if not agreeing atleast listening.
It is complicated. How can you succeed, if not with an education? And it is only that way because they dont look for the flaws in the system, and refuse to admit their mistakes. We all live in America for the freedom, the free will and the life that we all love. We were born with that much being here. But sometimes we need an extra push. I was born with a blank mind. No preferences, no likes, dislikes or loves. I still do not know who I am. But I do know that I am discovering a layer of myself as time moves on. And of everyone else.
Theirs a system because their needs to be, but that doesnt mean you can question it and think of something better.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Confusion
I settle down on my bed watching the television with a mind that could run the border of the U.S and perhaps making a double trip but next by water and have miles to burn off of thoughts. What can I believe anymore? In what direction should I be headed in, that it requires planning? I intend not to. But mostly its those around me that make my days worth while. That fulfill my moments of weakness that I cannot comprehend. Mostly its because I want to create a world of my own. I want to be in charge of every action. And yet I love the mystery in it all.
I have had the most interesting conversations with my closest friends and learned so much that I myself am numb with an overdose of thoughts. My mind is a blur and I cannot think straight. Its a game, something I am not living but can control for only a few moments in the day. Ive unraveled into a face with only a blur. I wear masks created with sight of myself in the mirror. I cannot tell what it is i am feeling. It isnt me. I am not me but yet only a person posing as me. When me is somewhere else with waves of a different color of hair and eyes that arent as young as this me is potraying to the friends I no longer know nor have the want to meet them again.
Its all a lie. I cannot put it in words. What I am feeling is how I am thinking so those on the outside might be able to get the summary of it all.
And yet what is the point. I look at my screen as I am typing this and I think of what else to write or how to consume enough words to make a question for you.
Why are we who we are?
Is it what we do that makes us who we are?
Or
Who we are that makes us what we do?
The conversations are ringing in my ears as a strong reminder of how I couldnt feel anymore. Of how I went from being a loving, kind, person. To one who does not feel.
I smile but am I happy?
I forgive and forget, but did it bother to begin with?
You said your sorry but did I ever listen?
I think of things. No one knows what I think. They always think of the same thing. Im emo. But if they read what it is I wrote. If they for one second let themselves go would they realize that i am not talking about my feelings. That I am not depressed, but I am something of happy with other emotions. They do not. This isnt even what I am thinking. This blog post is just something to write. A way of viewing it from the outside. I guess. But I crave right now. It is a voice in the back of my head that does not ever intend to shut up or go away. It will grow louder.
Again. What is this for?????
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Why are we who we are?
Who knows anyone now and days. Im most certain not one single person knows me. And im not just saying that it really is true. Yes my favorite color is yellow, and i love cheeseburgers. But what do I want? WHat do I really want?
This was pointless. W/E i wrote atleast....
I have had the most interesting conversations with my closest friends and learned so much that I myself am numb with an overdose of thoughts. My mind is a blur and I cannot think straight. Its a game, something I am not living but can control for only a few moments in the day. Ive unraveled into a face with only a blur. I wear masks created with sight of myself in the mirror. I cannot tell what it is i am feeling. It isnt me. I am not me but yet only a person posing as me. When me is somewhere else with waves of a different color of hair and eyes that arent as young as this me is potraying to the friends I no longer know nor have the want to meet them again.
Its all a lie. I cannot put it in words. What I am feeling is how I am thinking so those on the outside might be able to get the summary of it all.
And yet what is the point. I look at my screen as I am typing this and I think of what else to write or how to consume enough words to make a question for you.
Why are we who we are?
Is it what we do that makes us who we are?
Or
Who we are that makes us what we do?
The conversations are ringing in my ears as a strong reminder of how I couldnt feel anymore. Of how I went from being a loving, kind, person. To one who does not feel.
I smile but am I happy?
I forgive and forget, but did it bother to begin with?
You said your sorry but did I ever listen?
I think of things. No one knows what I think. They always think of the same thing. Im emo. But if they read what it is I wrote. If they for one second let themselves go would they realize that i am not talking about my feelings. That I am not depressed, but I am something of happy with other emotions. They do not. This isnt even what I am thinking. This blog post is just something to write. A way of viewing it from the outside. I guess. But I crave right now. It is a voice in the back of my head that does not ever intend to shut up or go away. It will grow louder.
Again. What is this for?????
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Why are we who we are?
Who knows anyone now and days. Im most certain not one single person knows me. And im not just saying that it really is true. Yes my favorite color is yellow, and i love cheeseburgers. But what do I want? WHat do I really want?
This was pointless. W/E i wrote atleast....
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Doing what you love
Tonight I watched Whip It. An amazing movie I must say. But while I was watching it I couldnt help but think of how often the scenario happens. Parents want children to do what it is that they want (mostly because they could never go as far with it as they wanted) then their children become upset with their parents, rebel against them and do crazy antics to discover what it is they want.
When does the vicious cycle end? Should it?
If it never happened and parents were always very open to what it is their children wanted then we wouldnt have the special moment when they accept you and see you in newer eyes, meaning more appreciation than the already ridiculous amount of love we all hold for family. (but that doesnt go without saying that children do need limits)
If it did, then maybe in the end we would loose them, because of course not everything has a happy ending.
And for those children who have parents that couldnt care less, hopefully they'll strive for more and achieve more than any of their family member's would have thought of them.
So where does that leave me? With a headache.
Compromising with each other would help, I think that parents should push their kids but to do great things in general. If they approached their child and gave them the options and the child agrees, then they decide whether they want to pursue it or not. And parents should be open to what their children have to say. To what their children want to do whether it be for life or as a hobbie or extra curricular activity.
I think that if parents wouldnt be so ignorant and senile, kids wouldnt be so against them. Or atleast it would be toned down a bit.
When does the vicious cycle end? Should it?
If it never happened and parents were always very open to what it is their children wanted then we wouldnt have the special moment when they accept you and see you in newer eyes, meaning more appreciation than the already ridiculous amount of love we all hold for family. (but that doesnt go without saying that children do need limits)
If it did, then maybe in the end we would loose them, because of course not everything has a happy ending.
And for those children who have parents that couldnt care less, hopefully they'll strive for more and achieve more than any of their family member's would have thought of them.
So where does that leave me? With a headache.
Compromising with each other would help, I think that parents should push their kids but to do great things in general. If they approached their child and gave them the options and the child agrees, then they decide whether they want to pursue it or not. And parents should be open to what their children have to say. To what their children want to do whether it be for life or as a hobbie or extra curricular activity.
I think that if parents wouldnt be so ignorant and senile, kids wouldnt be so against them. Or atleast it would be toned down a bit.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Gang wars.
My senior year we did a one act in my drama class called the Hoods. It talked about gang violence and the kinds of people who are in it.
What are they fighting for? These big bad guys who shoot each other, killing innocent people for gang initiations, putting kids on the street to sell crack pipes and other crazy paraphernalia. They could save everyone the trouble and put the guns to their own heads and shoot themselves. Id understand that.
What is it they get for doing drive by shootings? By beating up the new kid in school, or on the block? By stealing merchandise, selling crack, killing girls, beating them, fighting each other. All for the name of brotherhood, right?
I didnt grow up in such poverty, but i feel no sympathy. Because only a moron would do what they do. People with less than half a brain. But their smarter than that. They dont give themselves credit for what they could be doing. They decide to live a shorter life, harming those they love (if they love) and if they read this they would say some obscenity towards my harsh uncaring words.
They are ignorant. People who are to lazy to try and strive for something at all other than a death wish. If no one faught at all then their would be no struggles. They could work together. Its no peace but its compromising. They would have developers seek out their city and want to build their but they push everyone out. They live on welfare and keep having babies so they can get more money.
Correct me if im wrong but problems occur when people want them too. Anger is a symptom of an undeveloped mind unable to understand and grieving for attention because since their not smart that is the only way they get it.
It is not the appearance of them that is disturbing, the guns, drugs, and what not. Its their attitude. Their ability to be so stupid and unambitious that is disturbing.
But dont care what other people think. Make war with yourselves and those who are innocent and kill yourselves in the end.
You will die, their deaths will not give you immortality, or power. Because once your dead no one can care less. Its all about who will be next in line to make their master.
So I finish with these final questions,
What is it you are fighting for?
Why is it so important?
Who told you that fighting is the only way out?
Where is it said that you must kill each other because life is war and it must always be in war?
When will it end and how?
And why is it so hard for people to understand that peace is so much easier to attain than what they make it look out to be?
It isnt a fantasy, its real, and if people just tried we might get somewhere.
What are they fighting for? These big bad guys who shoot each other, killing innocent people for gang initiations, putting kids on the street to sell crack pipes and other crazy paraphernalia. They could save everyone the trouble and put the guns to their own heads and shoot themselves. Id understand that.
What is it they get for doing drive by shootings? By beating up the new kid in school, or on the block? By stealing merchandise, selling crack, killing girls, beating them, fighting each other. All for the name of brotherhood, right?
I didnt grow up in such poverty, but i feel no sympathy. Because only a moron would do what they do. People with less than half a brain. But their smarter than that. They dont give themselves credit for what they could be doing. They decide to live a shorter life, harming those they love (if they love) and if they read this they would say some obscenity towards my harsh uncaring words.
They are ignorant. People who are to lazy to try and strive for something at all other than a death wish. If no one faught at all then their would be no struggles. They could work together. Its no peace but its compromising. They would have developers seek out their city and want to build their but they push everyone out. They live on welfare and keep having babies so they can get more money.
Correct me if im wrong but problems occur when people want them too. Anger is a symptom of an undeveloped mind unable to understand and grieving for attention because since their not smart that is the only way they get it.
It is not the appearance of them that is disturbing, the guns, drugs, and what not. Its their attitude. Their ability to be so stupid and unambitious that is disturbing.
But dont care what other people think. Make war with yourselves and those who are innocent and kill yourselves in the end.
You will die, their deaths will not give you immortality, or power. Because once your dead no one can care less. Its all about who will be next in line to make their master.
So I finish with these final questions,
What is it you are fighting for?
Why is it so important?
Who told you that fighting is the only way out?
Where is it said that you must kill each other because life is war and it must always be in war?
When will it end and how?
And why is it so hard for people to understand that peace is so much easier to attain than what they make it look out to be?
It isnt a fantasy, its real, and if people just tried we might get somewhere.
Karma
Tonight I wanted to go out and watch whip it?
Seems like a petty want and something that could easily be given: right?
Completely wrong!
My friend and I went to eat at chile's before we went.
We waited 20 or so minutes, went inside and waited some more for our horrible waitress to wait us.
We never even got to order all we got was our drinks. And not even the 3rd one:my friend whose taste buds are shot because of sickness, had asked for to quench her thirst.
A strawberry lem. that never made to our table.
And since we wanted to watch the movie with no time to spare we left $5 for my drink (her's was water) and left.
Once we reached mcdonalds we ordered and I decided to search for my phone in my purse.
I searched and then grew frantic when not finding it.
I go outside quickly and check my car. Not there either.
Im pissed.
I left it at chile's.
No dinning in for at mcdonalds after all.
So my friend decides to go to the car and get her phone to call mine.
I wait for our meals.
I go to my car, only to find out she doesnt have hers either!
We both are pissed!
We go back to chile's and apparently someone just stole them because no one returned them.
whats sketchy is the fact that the hostess made the comment of us walking out, although we paid and left a tip for the lowsy waitress.
So we left...
What's the point of this? What happens to the person who stole our piece of shit phones? What do they get from phones that cant even call since we suspended the service shortly after discovering that they didnt want to answer our calls?
Was it pure coincidence that we left them and someone whose apparently dirt poor or no morals stole our phones shortly after? Or that the waitress was mad at us leaving? regardless of who did or how it happened, why? Why steal someones phone. Someones anything.
Im not very religious so its no like im going to say "OMG he/she sinned they will go to hell" but seriously was is the point in doing it. The excitement? The fact that they can make a few dollars? all it makes me think of them is that their poor, are idiots, have no respect for other peoples belonging's, ignorant, the list goes on. So I just dont get it.
Im sure they dont care what I think, but everyone else who isnt like them thinks some of the same things or along the same guidelines. It wasnt a priceless item they stole it was just the act that upsets me.
IDK what to think though.
the real question is what are they?
ANd what the fuck are they doing here.
Seems like a petty want and something that could easily be given: right?
Completely wrong!
My friend and I went to eat at chile's before we went.
We waited 20 or so minutes, went inside and waited some more for our horrible waitress to wait us.
We never even got to order all we got was our drinks. And not even the 3rd one:my friend whose taste buds are shot because of sickness, had asked for to quench her thirst.
A strawberry lem. that never made to our table.
And since we wanted to watch the movie with no time to spare we left $5 for my drink (her's was water) and left.
Once we reached mcdonalds we ordered and I decided to search for my phone in my purse.
I searched and then grew frantic when not finding it.
I go outside quickly and check my car. Not there either.
Im pissed.
I left it at chile's.
No dinning in for at mcdonalds after all.
So my friend decides to go to the car and get her phone to call mine.
I wait for our meals.
I go to my car, only to find out she doesnt have hers either!
We both are pissed!
We go back to chile's and apparently someone just stole them because no one returned them.
whats sketchy is the fact that the hostess made the comment of us walking out, although we paid and left a tip for the lowsy waitress.
So we left...
What's the point of this? What happens to the person who stole our piece of shit phones? What do they get from phones that cant even call since we suspended the service shortly after discovering that they didnt want to answer our calls?
Was it pure coincidence that we left them and someone whose apparently dirt poor or no morals stole our phones shortly after? Or that the waitress was mad at us leaving? regardless of who did or how it happened, why? Why steal someones phone. Someones anything.
Im not very religious so its no like im going to say "OMG he/she sinned they will go to hell" but seriously was is the point in doing it. The excitement? The fact that they can make a few dollars? all it makes me think of them is that their poor, are idiots, have no respect for other peoples belonging's, ignorant, the list goes on. So I just dont get it.
Im sure they dont care what I think, but everyone else who isnt like them thinks some of the same things or along the same guidelines. It wasnt a priceless item they stole it was just the act that upsets me.
IDK what to think though.
the real question is what are they?
ANd what the fuck are they doing here.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Death
We're all born with the same destination, which is to die. It happens all around us yet it is still such a surreal subject. Why is that? Why is it that even though you know one day or another people are going to die, its still a surprise? Regardless of the prepation; such as cancer patients who are known facts for not surviving, or just the fact that we already know. Is it denial? I dont know.
When I lost my grandmother it felt so fake. Like a sick practical joke. Its not that I didnt want to accept, I knew that when she had her stroke and went into a coma she wasnt coming back. Yet seeing her heart rate go flat because we cut off support. It didnt feel real. It was like a dream. I saw it, I heard, but there was no feeling, or smell. Till now after 5 almost 6 years does it feel real.
I thought to myself yesterday before sleeping. I thought of death. It came so suddenly and randomly that it scared me. The feeling of knowing im going to die isnt what im afraid of. Its mostly not knowing whats after. I used to think I didnt belong in this time era. Im a bit different than the majority of others I know. What I like was from decades before. I used to and still somewhat believe in reicarnation. For some strange unknown irrelevant reason or another.
But death. It hangs over all of our heads. We all have a rope around our neck and only sooner or later is our life sentence over. Maybe this isnt even life. You know, the one worth living. This life we live in is the one we get for being screw ups. Look at what were going. Nowhere and damn fast.
So again, Death? Life's mystery and its so sad that the only way we can find out is by going through it. I want a peaceful death or as peaceful as it gets. But however it happens, when it will ill know that when I was born I did something I was destined to do. Kind of sick, yes. But its the truth. How do you feel for it?
When I lost my grandmother it felt so fake. Like a sick practical joke. Its not that I didnt want to accept, I knew that when she had her stroke and went into a coma she wasnt coming back. Yet seeing her heart rate go flat because we cut off support. It didnt feel real. It was like a dream. I saw it, I heard, but there was no feeling, or smell. Till now after 5 almost 6 years does it feel real.
I thought to myself yesterday before sleeping. I thought of death. It came so suddenly and randomly that it scared me. The feeling of knowing im going to die isnt what im afraid of. Its mostly not knowing whats after. I used to think I didnt belong in this time era. Im a bit different than the majority of others I know. What I like was from decades before. I used to and still somewhat believe in reicarnation. For some strange unknown irrelevant reason or another.
But death. It hangs over all of our heads. We all have a rope around our neck and only sooner or later is our life sentence over. Maybe this isnt even life. You know, the one worth living. This life we live in is the one we get for being screw ups. Look at what were going. Nowhere and damn fast.
So again, Death? Life's mystery and its so sad that the only way we can find out is by going through it. I want a peaceful death or as peaceful as it gets. But however it happens, when it will ill know that when I was born I did something I was destined to do. Kind of sick, yes. But its the truth. How do you feel for it?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
We've all seen it? Some felt it? Some lost it? But one way or another we get it. Different forms and capacity's depending on the giver. Its love. Its what some people read about and want. Its that dreaded four letter word guys tend to stray from. And girls' they seek it.
I've seen from the sidelines adults telling my friends "you're too young to understand". And it wasn't till recently that I now know what they meant.
Its not literally the age. It's your mental age. Yes SOME girls mature faster than boys. But theres still THOSE girls who are morons. They get into a relationship two days later their in love. B.S much. Of course. And when they break up its like their whole lives are over, their never going to date again and their only, what? Between the ages of 15-20.
Don't get me wrong I do believe in love. And that special someone. But I don't think every guy is love, or that special someone. Kind of defeats the purpose.
If a couple breaks up, its not the end of the world. Yes it hurts if their your parents but sometimes you do grow out of love. But that doesn't mean they won't be happy ever again. And if your young put the ice cream away its not like their dead. And if they best wishes. So ya. Loves complicated, confusing, hidden, and usually never last if its only physical.
I've seen from the sidelines adults telling my friends "you're too young to understand". And it wasn't till recently that I now know what they meant.
Its not literally the age. It's your mental age. Yes SOME girls mature faster than boys. But theres still THOSE girls who are morons. They get into a relationship two days later their in love. B.S much. Of course. And when they break up its like their whole lives are over, their never going to date again and their only, what? Between the ages of 15-20.
Don't get me wrong I do believe in love. And that special someone. But I don't think every guy is love, or that special someone. Kind of defeats the purpose.
If a couple breaks up, its not the end of the world. Yes it hurts if their your parents but sometimes you do grow out of love. But that doesn't mean they won't be happy ever again. And if your young put the ice cream away its not like their dead. And if they best wishes. So ya. Loves complicated, confusing, hidden, and usually never last if its only physical.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
We live, we die. We experience things, people, joy, anger, sadness, and bliss. Euphoria, streaming through our veins. Rush, sleeping. The kill, the dead waste. What is it all for? I wonder, I contemplate on what's the next move. What's the next meal of choice? Is it something rare and beautiful, something unseen and never heard? It's taste lingers after. The spasms of ecstasy leaving me breathless. I fight for it, the air, the smothering feeling of being able to be breathe is overwhelming. We die. We've felt it all. In the end there's never anything to show for it. Only mere memories of your lasting impressions in those who ever bothered to remember how you ever even got so low.
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