The distraction.

Its been months since i have even looked at my blog. :/ fail.
But here i am now. Its 3:14 and I cannot sleep. I blame part for the fact that my stomach hurts. Then theres the fact that my mind is totally and completely distracted. Im ok with distractions but not when there were totally unexpected. I have so many things going on in my mind right now I dont know where to begin or if i should begin at all.. Its hard to talk of those things since I never talk about them to anyone. I usually just write a song, but Im trying not to write songs right now. Im just trying to expand my mind.

So....The distraction. Its annoying. Its frustrating. And I have to remind myself at every point of the day to stop worrying. I just need to focus.. I need to get all the negative out of my mind. But its hard, but its not an excuse for me. I have to get through there is no way to do otherwise and I do what i need to do. And get on with it, of course its only because i have to. And its what makes most sense. But some close friends of mine are breaking through my exterior and are getting me to see on a much bigger scale. I hope but only a little. I expect the worst, but only a little, Then i just let whatever happens happens. WHich does work but idk. maybe sometimes u need to remind yourself of the worst more, or the hope completely. I really need to stop doubting myself. I guess. But then im not sure.

And i dont feel like i should be feeling like this. But what am i supposed to do. i kind of like it too. it makes me know that im not cold inside anymore. its warmth i thought left a few months ago. but ya. I guess im just hoping. I will continue to hope but im not being blind...im not going to get myself hurt by being an idiot..atleast i hope.