Death

We're all born with the same destination, which is to die. It happens all around us yet it is still such a surreal subject. Why is that? Why is it that even though you know one day or another people are going to die, its still a surprise? Regardless of the prepation; such as cancer patients who are known facts for not surviving, or just the fact that we already know. Is it denial? I dont know.

When I lost my grandmother it felt so fake. Like a sick practical joke. Its not that I didnt want to accept, I knew that when she had her stroke and went into a coma she wasnt coming back. Yet seeing her heart rate go flat because we cut off support. It didnt feel real. It was like a dream. I saw it, I heard, but there was no feeling, or smell. Till now after 5 almost 6 years does it feel real.

I thought to myself yesterday before sleeping. I thought of death. It came so suddenly and randomly that it scared me. The feeling of knowing im going to die isnt what im afraid of. Its mostly not knowing whats after. I used to think I didnt belong in this time era. Im a bit different than the majority of others I know. What I like was from decades before. I used to and still somewhat believe in reicarnation. For some strange unknown irrelevant reason or another.

But death. It hangs over all of our heads. We all have a rope around our neck and only sooner or later is our life sentence over. Maybe this isnt even life. You know, the one worth living. This life we live in is the one we get for being screw ups. Look at what were going. Nowhere and damn fast.

So again, Death? Life's mystery and its so sad that the only way we can find out is by going through it. I want a peaceful death or as peaceful as it gets. But however it happens, when it will ill know that when I was born I did something I was destined to do. Kind of sick, yes. But its the truth. How do you feel for it?